Navigating Postpartum

In honor of my sweet girl celebrating 4 weeks of life, I am caught in reflection of my self and all the ways I have been intentional in the last four weeks to stay above board. Before having baby, several people cautioned me during pregnancy— “be careful of postpartum depression!”. Then everyday while we were in the hospital (while I get it and its so important that they do this type of check in) “PPD is so common and please let us know If you ever have feelings of hurting yourself or baby”. By the time it was time to finally come home and bring baby into real life, I found myself thinking “wait do I have depression? Is it here yet?” Almost like the “be aware! Caution!” had put it so far into my frontal lobe, I anticipated having it. 

Don’t get me wrong— I thought about it loooong before anyone was bringing it to my attention. It was honestly one of the things I was scared of most in the very beginning. I had so many thoughts and feelings around the idea of “I have worked so hard to know myself well enough to take the best care (after yearssss of self sabotage, mind you) I am so scared to lose touch with me.” I know that each week, heck each DAY (!!)  will bring new waves of emotions and feelings, etc. AND I am by no means an expert or immune at this point, but the past four weeks I have tread with a heavy step to make sure that Livy is taken care of mentally, physically, and most importantly, emotionally. 

So, like I said, no expert, but whether you are postpartum or just having a season, we are all humans having an experience here and I feel compelled to share whats worked really well for me in this sacred, a little tough, beautiful time of adjusting. 

1. Getting (the F) out of the house
   Before baby, if I was home for an entire day, Ryan would come home and I would be bouncing off the walls, “Did you stay home all day babe?— I can tell”. I know that I go stir crazy if in one place for too long, and so the second I start to feel a tinge of this recently, I get out. Have lunch with a friend, have a date night, go grab a coffee, or just walk around target. Its so interesting to me how many strangers stop me, “how old is she?! Good for you getting out of the house!”. Its not typical and I think it might just be one of the reasons postpartum can be such an isolated space. This ties into #2 :

2. Take the baby places.
   You will have to have firsts of everything! First solo outing, first public feed, first screaming baby in public, all the things. Getting out of the house and letting myself go through the motions of it just being her and me has been huge for me. To gain confidence that I am capable and I know best in situations for baby, its been so good. I think what probably happens is a lot of new mamas are intimidated to get out of the house when sole responsibility falls on them because baby seems unpredictable, but I can tell you— you’ve got this. And people understand and hold space in public. Stay grounded, and trust you can do it. Let yourself adjust!

3. Do the things that make you feel like YOU.
   For me its making sure I get my cup of hot coffee in the morning, putting a little bit of makeup on, not letting myself stay in pj’s all day, creating something or pouring into some kind of outlet that is an expression of you (hello blog!!), listening to your favorite podcast or song, putting on your favorite perfume. What ever it is, if it was part of your pre baby routine, try implementing it now too, you are still you. Even if you just have 5 minutes, find time and ground down back into the things that are you.

4. If you want to cry, cry.
   One of the things one of the Doctors said to me before leaving the hospital was “you’re going to feel weird. And you might feel bad or weird that you feel weird. But let yourself feel it. It’s all ok.” Theres been a GOOD handful of moments in the past four weeks where all of a sudden tears well up and I find myself weeping. I didn’t cry but two times during pregnancy, and now, let me tell you, I am CRYING. Most of the time Ryan will ask whats the matter and I have no answer. Just that I am feeeeeling. It’s never just one thing. And it’s not even just sad either, it’s just an overwhelming combination of feels and the only way it can come out is the release of tears. It’s a strange thing, but I remind myself in the moment, I am going to feel weird, and it’s ok. Let it come through you, don’t push it down, let it come out. If you feel it and it’s real to you, let it process through you.

5. Keep supplementing.
   Pretnatals? DHA? Iron?! yes. To all. Keep taking them. You still need all of it especially if breastfeeding! Another thing I am being more consistent about now too is vitamin D! I feel a HUGE difference the days I take it vs not. It gives me happy energy and just an overall pep in my step in spite of the lack of sleep.

6. M O V E
   Am I back to my regular workouts? No. But I have been moving when my body craves it! Just 20-25 minutes of whatever feels good. As all the lady parts heal, do what you can. Maybe just a walk, maybe some stretches, or leg lifts, just committing to getting your heart rate up or breaking a sweat. Every time I move right now, I begin to cry, feeling a release of emotions stored in my body. I think many women store the postpartum feelings within their physical bodies and movement is such a simple and free way to find some relief. Don’t over complicate it, do something that makes sense for you. Same thing as above, let it process through you, don’t push it down.

7. Ask for help— and receive it.
   When people want to help, say YES and thank you. I have always been the type of person to say, no its ok I got it!!! Like a stubborn ass hole. One of the first things I learned through the hospital experience was that it was time to ask for help, and more importantly to receive it. To be a beginner. No stupid questions. Just a willingness to learn, to accept, to become! From doctors, from family members, from my husband! Even with the meal train that we had, it was so hard to accept all the love and blessings, so overwhelming. But I choose to have open hands and receive because NO I cannot do it all and I cannot do it all on my own. It takes a village.

8. End the day with a hot shower.
   I did this pre baby too— wash the day off. It feels more important than ever. Let your husband watch baby or right after you put baby to bed at night, get in the shower, scrub your body, or just stand and breathe. Long nights, long days, the shower is a place of peace in the midst of it all.

Victory starts in moments of choosing to stand in your power of choice. The past four weeks have been full of staying ahead of the weight of this new journey and the struggles it brings. I will continue to keep checking in, being real with myself and those around me, as well as take good care before I NEED it. Staying ahead of the eb and flow, allowing myself to feel the feelings. Is this easier for me than you? Absolutely not. But I think one of the most healing things I can do is share and stay open. I hope you find some inspiration here, or maybe just comfort, to know that you are human, and you are capable. I am here with you. Navigating it all.

love u