Body Talk
“I don’t know any woman who hasn’t been to hell and back trying to find comfort in her skin. Who hasn’t obsessed over weight, exercise, food, or looks. Who hasn’t at least once in her life hid her menstruation, curves, sexiness, or beauty. Who hasn’t felt obligated to please another. Who hasn’t shrunk her intuition or intelligence. Who hasn’t been objectified or silenced. Who hasn’t held herself back. Who hasn’t tried to erase life’s inner or outer scars from her vessel. Who hasn’t been judged for her years on this planet or for how good she looks. And I don’t know any woman who just gets over this. Because, for a woman, it’s hard to ignore the power and magnitude her body has–that she has. Because her story is every woman’s story. And despite it all, I don’t know any woman who isn’t worthy of her strength, courage and imagination. Who isn’t capable of being the high and holy, healing damage control the world aches for right now, by empowering herself.”
“How do you feel about your new body?” the words hung in the air 8 weeks after I had my first born. I had just returned to teaching and was wearing yoga clothes in public for the first time, feeling decent until this question loomed and I felt like oh… maybe I am not where I thought I was physically.
When Yael was 6+ months old, my breastfeeding baby queen was so perfectly squishy, we had a close friend who would call her chunky every time seeing her. My stomach would lurch even though I know there was a time in my life too that I would use this word to describe a yummy baby. I sat with it for a few months and then one day it happened and I snapped, “please don’t call her that.” Our friend looked at me unsure, “oh why?”
“Because I have no idea when we start to internalize these words and if you want to talk about her body call it strong or healthy. Or maybe, we just shouldn’t put labels on her body at all.”
Its hard for me, because I am always wanting to investigate— am I saying this out of my own wounding/triggering or am I saying this because I believe these things apply for most if not all women? I think the answer is both.
It’s been very interesting to navigate the changes within my body this pregnancy. I actually kept thinking I wasn’t really going to share with the world because honestly I didn’t want people to notice how I was changing AND I didn’t want them to say things. Please don’t look at me!!!!! If people don’t know maybe they won’t think about it and then I can just live in my own experience and hold space for this change within me. I wanted to wrap myself in a protective layer.
The day after we announced, I had someone tell me “now that I know you’re pregnant you totally LOOK pregnant!”. It was exactly what I had feared happening. LOOK, your body has CHANGED. Everyday I leave my house, someone says something about how my body is changing. “Show me your belly!”, “You’re finally starting the thickening”, or just the look of shock when people think my belly is still small at 21+ weeks.
Listen,
A woman is WELL AWARE of how her body is changing when creating LIFE. She feels it.
She’s experiencing it first hand. Between eating enough and resting and tending to her stretching skin, trying to navigate whatever shes physically feeling etc. Trying to find clothes to wear every week as garments phase out that fit before grow snug.
She is LIVING IT.
I don’t believe that anyone that has ever commented on my body truly has had ill intentions, what I offer up today is this:
Can we stop talking about what women’s body’s look like.
Unless you are a safe and trusted person to someone AND you are genuinely concerned for their health and safety, body talk is more than likely okay to be skipped over.
Through raising a daughter and in the process being show many of the unhealed places within my own relationship with my body, I have never been more body conscious. I have often thought how mysterious it is that I could look at Yael’s healthy legs when she was little, even her little folds on the back of her legs now and think how is that so beautiful on you and I cringe looking at my cellulite. I work so hard to rid these “imperfections” off my own body— and its all together lovely on hers.
When does the change happen, the shift in perspective?
I am filled with joy when I witness Yael and the freedom she feels in her body. And I grieve for myself in the same moment. It has taken so many years, so much healing and so much conscious thought to tap into what is evidently so organic for her.
All I know for certain is what I see within her is very much where I find myself returning to within myself in all the work I put forth when it comes to body image. And its a daily journey, an intentional investigation bathed in grace and holding my own hand. Teaching myself so I might demonstrate something free and beautiful to my daughter and all my future children too. I never want my children to question if I radically loved myself and my body, no matter what season.
If you walk away with any one new awareness from this— notice how often you think, say, etc something about a woman’s body. In the moment of doing so, can you close your eyes, going back inside and cultivate more freedom within yourself? And then carrying on without the need to express the words that you might so easily say. Applying this to ALL women. Pregnant or not! Remembering that more women than not have been to hell and back to find comfort and often times its a daily practice to arrive into that comfort.
