expectation 0%

I wanted to come to these pages today and firstly just say THANK YOU to all of you who have reached out to me in the last month about my previous post. Your consistency and support is helping me more than you'll ever know, and its made me so eager to come back to this space. 

As I am still walking through reading Brene Browns book, Rising Strong, I am continually feeling the feelings and walking through A LOT of self examination. So while I have been trying to figure out what to write to you about today, this is whats real and what I am always thinking about right now..

THE NEXT EPISODE: People, no matter when, are always doing the best they can. 

A statement and a question. What do you think?
Viewing it as a statement is a pretty loaded sentence, but as a question, seems to have VERY mixed responses. This is something that Brene has asked hundreds of people, as a topic of research. The results have been amazing-- please, just go read the book for goodness sake, you can get an even more in-depth look on her findings/conclusions. 

So really-- how do I feel about this? What I quickly was able to assume about this whole method of thinking was the aspect of eliminating expectations on people, not having any preconceived notions on how someone would act or what they could provide for us.  This could go as far as people who you are immediately connected with (real life senerios lol): 

EX: My husband, Ryan,  doesn't do the dishes before I come home from work, and I get home and I am INSTANTLY pissed. Yet, I never asked him to do the dishes... and at that point, the only person I can be mad at is myself. 

And then it also branches out towards strangers, people who we have no idea who they are.

EX: Driving on the freeway and some maniac is going 1000 MPH, and then cuts me off. I get mad because they are being reckless, and I have to hit the brakes and there's lots of traffic.

In this situation, my brain goes into this stressed out-angry place at someone who I don't even know, but all for what? I get it, its probably OK to get a little irritated because they aren't being safe, but whats the use of holding onto anger towards that person? How can I be sure the reason that they are driving like that? Whats going on in their life? What happened during their day? Did they just loose someone close to them? Are they bitter at something life threw them? Are they abusing some kind of substance for a certain reason and its making them react in a type of way? 
We will never find out for every stranger that this happens with. But the point is that when we remove the expectation that our husbands will just DO the dishes or that the guy on the freeway is going to be the best driver + courteous, there's this extended grace and compassion that comes around us like our favorite cozy blanket. And then you are given an easy freedom to just let it go. 

Brene's husband, Steve, answers the question with, 
“I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.”

Before I even shared this concept with Ryan, we were driving home one day from our favorite coffee shop. It was raining and we were in Ann Arbor, so there was lots of traffic. We were heading towards the freeway, and there was an older woman who was trying to turn right out of a parking lot and she wouldn't commit to the turn so Ryan kept his speed and she held her hand out the window and gave us the middle finger *classy*. I rarely see people do this, and therefore I exclaimed "omg that lady just flipped you off!", I laughed shaking my head, thinking "*crazy old lady, not our fault you wouldn't turn!*" (this was before I was really applying this new mindset lol). Ryan says, "shes just mad about something in her life...". I stopped, and was reminded I had just recently read that section of the book, and it was perfect way to share with him, but also be really grateful that that's where his mind went right off the bat. Grace. Non-judgement, just a easy shrug off the shoulders, and unaffected. An understanding that the scope is much bigger than her not being able to complete her turn. 

Whether you fully believe it or not, I challenge you to live with the perspective that people are doing the best that they can. See how it transforms your way of perceiving your interactions with the ones you love and the people you may never know. Something that you can utilize in this is if you think about if other people had that view on you. You're doing the best you can. You are doing the best YOU can (circumstances and all).

Learn a new grace and compassion. 
love you, see you again soon

liv