3 things to do to feel what you feel instead becoming an a-hole
Times are tough. Everyone is stressed. WE are all being ejected out of our “normal” and therefore— we lack “control” and THEREFORE struggle to stay grounded in our Core Self.
Whats Core Self?
It’s your moral code. The ethics and standards that you live and breathe. It’s what you wish to emulate when you open your mouth, or take action to do literally all things. We have a hard time (its normal!!!) staying the course when we are unsure of the outcome, or we aren’t doing what we are used to. But when we are connected to core self, we are living in our own momentum. It’s the place we return to when we are aligned and acting within our intentions in life.
I experienced a very off putting situation the other day at Meijer between an employee and a customer and I have been thinking about it since. I don’t know the full context but I turned the isle and an older woman who was shopping was talking to the worker man who was walking away from her,
“don’t say FUCK YOU to me, I’ll have you fired. Jerk!”
It made my skin crawl. Grown adults, treating each other with such disrespect.
A few days earlier, I was walking out of Kroger and I witnessed a large truck speeding around someone taking their time to turn into the row to park, he whipped around the woman so fast, speeding away, she gave him the finger.
We are ALL feeling it. We are all living in it. We are all having to make the choice to do our best, and in stressful times, it can feel so hard to make the right choice.
I saw this earlier today posted by Tanya Markul :
so, a choice. to let yourself FEEL it. But not make it someones else’s ~ issue ~ ya know.
Processing tools :
Jump, dance, shake, yell. Yes, let yourself have a little tantrum and/or dance party
I often think of the scene from Hot Rod where Rod needs “to go to MY QUIET PLACE”. Its stuck with me because while it was comical the first (and 100th time) I saw it, it made perfect sense. If you haven’t seen it — click here.
Movement is M E D I C I N E. Movement is therapy. Being quarantined, cooped up, movement doesn’t come by default (which I know many people rely on aka “I dont work out, but my job is very physical” or something along those lines… I hear it all the time).
Have you ever just put music on that makes you wanna move and then just see what happens next? You dont have to know ANYTHING special to use your body to flush. Put on a song, blast it, be alone. Take your time. And just moooove. I like to stomp or tap my body too. The thump helps literally flush your lymph, bonus detox. It also tells your brain to create new cells.
Need ideas? Visit The Space’s Facebook for ideas, classes, and more.
Shitty First Draft / Journal
I love Brene Brown’s concept of the SFD. Instead of reacting, pause, write a letter, and reassess how you actually feel. I have journaled on and off my whole life. What’s funny to me is I used to write SFD’d long before I knew that was actually a way to process. “Dear so-and-so, why the F did you DO THAT. it made me feel like __________ and I blah blah blah”. Let’er rip. Whoever you’re writing to, what ever you’re writing about… no one ever has to see/know/etc. Just let it go, free your mind. What you let yourself keep and walk away with is what you are giving permission to.
What you think and feel is real to you and it matters— so become aware of it and check in with you. Processing on paper is one of the best releases you can give yourself. You dont have to be mad to write it out and process. Just spend two minutes before bed to document how you feel.
Giving yourself a timeout.
We have to be very aware of our own structure when we are left to dictate our new schedule/routine. I recently wrote about giving yourself a timeout— holding space to just think. Not do anything. No scrolling. No cleaning. No moving. No meditating, stretching, etc— the good things! JUST BE. I will make an exception to be in the bath and/or sitting on the shower floor with the water raining on you. But set a boundary, get still, think and let yourself be just as you are. When you can be still with yourself, you can allow yourself to feel, to sort and sift, and to get really clear on what you actually want to hold on to.
Next time you feel like you want to run, you want to hide or you find yourself being mean, unkind, impersonal, can you see if its because you are acting out of feeling rather than what is your Core Self, your truest intention. What you feel is yours and its real, and in these moments of uncertainty, scarcity, and so many other feelings that are uncomfortable, let yourself hold your own hand and be okay. Move through it and begin again.
I love u
