structure invites auto-pilot

Apr 10

A small, profound, download/reminder that came through while teaching last week I wanted to get somewhere I could revisit anytime. Enjoy.

We are one week in to a 2 week pause at the Studio. aka my job.

Over the last several years, through working this job, feeling a sense of ownership, learning about my very prominent enneagram 3, and just all the things— working is something I love. I thrive off of. If I am not careful, I will sacrifice myself to the whim and demands of work. For a long time, unconsciously, and now, very much consciously, it’s been to prove my value. To tap into my worth. To feel a sense of purpose and significance. (I say consciously now because I am awake to it and I am so grateful I am because I can see and honor myself before I lose my mind. It’s the progressive part of me.)

This is our third pause. The first one, 6 months long (we couldn’t have predicted that— a big daunting unknown), the second was 6 weeks. This one, we decided would be best for us and our community. I realized the other day while processing during my class recording for our online platform— I have softened in a lot faster into this break. In fact, after we made the decision to do it, I noticed I was practically welcoming it. Yes please!!!!!!! I will take it.

I think for the majority of us, we seek structure. Idk maybe it offers us a sense of certainty? A feeling of comfort? Of knowing? I feel like the older I get the more life is about GET INTO A ROUTINE! Starting with caring for yourself, then household chores, then you have a baby, and lord knows, all the FB mom groups I am on, the baby is a week old and new mamas chime in “so when and how do I get into a routine? whats YOURS look like?”. Believe me, I have several structured processes I have built into my personal life that help me succeed. I mean it’s literally my job at the Studio— find the areas that are not fluid and refine and refine and refine until there is a good system, a working process. It’s what I do, it’s what I live for. It’s what I get paid to do lol.

When we “Know” we don’t have to work so Hard.

I think about a year ago, we were early into our world shutting down, a LOT of unknowns, we took it one day at a time, one press conference with the Gov at a time. Uprooted. Fear lives in uncertainty. Fear lives in the unknown. We have to consciously coarse ourselves to arrive, to soften and land into what we cannot predict. It’s some of the work I have done the longest within myself for as long as I can remember. (Starting YOUNG for me— like gripped by the fear of death when I was just 10 years old after having a racy heart from a medication I had to take.) In my reflections this week I feel as if I have always believed the exact opposite. Structure helps orient intention in your life. Unknowns pull you out of your body. Maybe initially, this is true, but after we recognize what is happening, we cross over back into the KNOWN and the comfort of what it in front of us.

Structure, routine, ridgid process, keeps us hovering above ground. It’s like a permission slip to just check the boxes, hop from one thing to the next, as creatures of habit, we adapt and we retain. We stick with the thing that is working and I am realizing— rather remembering— this week that IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE IT GIVES YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHECK OUT!!! to go auto-pilot.